The Great Houdini (And Other Tricks my Toddler Knows)

Almost two years since his entry into this world, my son has captured my heart and is the apple of my eye – the love I feel for him cannot be measured. However at 3am this morning, love was the very last emotion I felt when my blissful sleep was interrupted by a shrilling cry, for the third non-consecutive night in a space of one week, and all attempts to put him back to sleep, failed. So while my dear son danced and hummed through the fourth episode of Teletubbies, in between “over the hills and far away, Teletubbies come to play ….time for Teletubbies, time for Teletubbies…Tinkywinky, “Tinkywinky!” Dipsy “Dipsy!” Laalaa “Laalaa!” Po “Po!” Teletubbies “Teletubbies!” say, Heeeeee-lo! “eh-oh!”, I envisioned strangling those four hideous creatures to death.

While I am grateful to have a normal, healthy, exploring baby, I do wish that someone gave me practical advice on how to raise a son – which is completely different from raising a daughter. For one, it would have been useful for someone to have warned me that paying for a gym membership would be in vain! Aside from having no time for it, for me, running, jumping, leaping and dashing – all forms of exercise – are par for the course when trying to impede a disaster before it happens! Thereby making said gym membership, void!

So, I have formulated a list of practical advice on how to deal with some of the drama I have experienced recently.

Never fall into the “oh this is so cute” mind-set when you come across children’s furniture. Chairs especially become the platform for making an easy escape.

Never leave bits of furniture close to windows. See above.

If you want to introduce your kid to ice-cream, be prepared to finish an entire tub or else face the drama that will surely unfold when you think your child has had enough.

NEVER leave doors open. Silence is an indicator of some sort of mischief happening. Eating toothpaste, toothbrushes in the toilet pan and toilet roll strewn all over the bathroom floor is a common problem. Utilising mum’s shower cap is an optional extra.

You are welcome.

*singing* “over the hills and far away, Teletubbies come to play ….time for Teletubbies, time for Teletubbies…Tinkywinky, “Tinkywinky!” Dipsy “Dipsy!” Laalaa “Laalaa!” Po “Po!” Teletubbies “Teletubbies!” say, Heeeeee-lo! “eh-oh!”