I’m revealed to the world as a foolish woman who’s over-enthusiastic in love. I reach out with both hands open again and again and even after every failure, I know I have learnt more about love in all its expansiveness. I am drawn into the depths of real intimacy and get closer to the Divine due to my willingness. It’s a union of contradictory longings. And I will play the fool again. And again.
I’ve learnt how to deal with pain. There is no way out – but through. Trying to anaesthetise it through drugs, alcohol, sex or food consumes us from the inside. Some days all I can do is simply hold on, one breath at a time. So I learnt to sit with pain and in it I find continued wisdom.
I’ve learnt that joy finds itself in ordinary moments. Quite often these ordinary moments of ecstacy feels like a spiritual awakening, it’s so transformative. A shared joke with someone I love, remembering our naughtiness and three words that landed us in trouble, sparked an avalanche of belly aching laughter. It was a moment of unbridled joy, all encompassing. I savour those moments even if it appears to others to be simplistic because life has taught us to pick a set of joys that suit a lifestyle.
I used to downplay my talent for writing despite spending years trying to cultivate it, just so that I could appear humble but I can’t do it anymore. I derive such joy in this ability. I derive joy in my inabilities too. I love music and I sing loudly, and very badly, at full volume. I sing because it alters my mood without me resorting to medication.
I am inefficient in so many areas but I know that I was made to write and I was made to love. This is my joy and it’s limitless.
I’ve told you who I am. Tell me who you are. I don’t want to hear your name…