How To Break Free

Breaking free from an abusive relationship is about more than just having the courage to do so. If you don’t do the work needed to break the mental pattern, you will continue to attract the same type of person into your life.


Trust me, I know.


My life was like an episode of Groundhog Day – just with different leading actors. The theme was always the same. Emotional abuse is scarring – but I went ahead and carried the scars from one bad relationship into another, hoping someone will heal me, love me and mend me. It never happened. All I did was bleed out. Because that is not how life works. I had to heal myself, save myself and love myself.


Breaking free from any kind of toxicity involves an absolute sense of self-worth. To this day, it is something I struggle with – which I am sure many women would identify with. Possessing self-love will ensure that you never tolerate or accept less than you deserve. If you’re ready to liberate yourself and if you’re #DoneWithSilence – here are some tips to help you get out:


  1. Tell the truth, to people that you love and trust. This is critical because you cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.
  2. If the relationship is physically abusive, alert your local police station, family and friends and/or church/religious organisation.
  3. If you’re sharing a home, find a place of safety for yourself and/or your kids if you have any.
  4. Visit the local court to gain a protection order and open a case with the police.
  5. Strengthen your mind and will, through whatever means suit you, to ensure you gain the mental strength to resist the temptation to go back. Life may be uncomfortable and inconvenient (especially if you were taken care of financially), but now is the time to get empowered and find your own way.
  6. Limit any interaction with the person involved. Block and delete numbers and maintain zero contact.


Most importantly, allow your self-worth to rise, and never allow it to be determined by someone else. Never be silenced again.


For the next few months, I will be sharing a series of posts centred around an amazing campaign, which I’ve become a part of, as an Influencer. Choma (a South African-ism meaning ‘friend’), a project of HIVSA NPO is focused on empowering young women. Their recent campaign, #DoneWithSilence, is an inspiring initiative which aims to break down silence and give women (and men) the courage to be able to liberate themselves. My role in the campaign, as a self-proclaimed truth-teller, is to share my story candidly, in the hope that others follow-suit. I hope to begin the conversations that truly matter.

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May 16, 2022 11:59 pm

I feel that such article must be shared and published at a bigger platform. Here in India also there are lot of people (especially women) who go through such torture every day. This one is really worth reading. Keep it up. May God give you more strength and courage to keep writing and thus helping our society. ???

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