I have been a victim of abuse, the worse kind that leaves no physical scarring, just a completely battered soul. My dignity and self-worth has been vandalised, but I realise now that I willingly surrendered it. I used to be a self-righteous woman, condemning other women who stay in bad situations until I endured it myself. It is said that a frog will jump out of a pot of boiling water. Place him in a pot and turn it up a little at a time, and he will stay until he is boiled to death. That frog could have been me. I could have been boiled to death. I just had the courage of conviction to jump out at the right time. It took everything I possessed to leave and now there is nothing left to carry me forward. I am at rock bottom.
A few days ago someone I love dearly lost her battle with cancer. That was a huge wake up call. It is so easy to remain a victim. So easy to be embroiled in bitterness and hatred, having that hatred spur you on until the viciousness becomes a cycle and everyone around you becomes enmeshed in chaos. I made a choice today to choose something different. I choose to forgive.
Forgiveness makes you grow beyond what you were. I am reclaiming my power that I unwittingly relinquished by holding onto anger. I am facing the world with trepidation but at least I do so with the knowledge that I am in control of my destiny. A simple choice is by no means simplistic. I forgive with the knowledge that one day I will be free from the internal pain that holds me captive and I can only break free once I release the anger, forgive wholly and make peace absolute.
Today, I forgive you completely and am moving on to the next chapter in my life.
I live in hope and still believe in love because I know that emotion which has the potential to break me is also the only thing that can heal me. I will not stay still now. I will act and hope that the universe will follow through.