A Letter to my Father on the Anniversary of his Death

Twelve years of not hearing your voice or getting the daily phone call that I could set my clock against.  I used to laugh at you…you’d ask me the exact questions, in the same order, every single day. I remember asking you whether you’d know the difference if you spoke to me or a recording of me.

I would give anything now to have one more call.

I remember being pulled and dragged to dance with you whenever we had a party at home. I was less than enthusiastic and always complaining.

I would give anything now to have that one dance with that one song you loved.

I am thankful that I inherited some of your better habits. You never judged anyone – regardless of how I’d try to convince you that certain people were awful, you only assumed the best.

You were forgiving. I never met a man with such humility despite how many times you were wronged. That was the greatest lesson I learnt from you. Humility is a dying art. A characteristic few people possess. I’m proud to say you were one of the few people I know who encompassed this fully and authentically.

I also learnt about unconditional love from you. I watched you love my mother until the moment you took your last breath. I watched you look at her, high from massive doses of morphine,  no doubt engulfed by the fear of facing your own mortality…and all you would do is comment on how beautiful she was. I remember saying to you that you looked at her as if you were seeing her for the first time. It made me sob at that moment and 12 years later,  it makes me sob now…I haven’t had a man look at me like that yet, with a love that’s transcendent.

I will light a candle for you today and listen to “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton, a song you used to sing often and loved. The irony is not lost on me.

Life has never been the same and never will be the same. Wherever you are, I know you are the life of the party.

Love,

Your Chinx